Well I'm going to try to do something that is quite impossible. I'm going to try to describe what has happened in the last week. 3 Nine Inch Nails shows where each one was amazing for it's own reasons.
Saturday, August 22, 2009 Bowery Ballroom
My sister and I arrived at Bowery Ballroom around 3 pm. Then waited in line for one of the guys who were handing out tickets. I had gotten extremely lucky and got the chance to get these tickets when they went on sale again through twitter. But in my excitement I had forgotten to write my name into the ticket field. Hence I was left terrified that they were not going to allow me to pick up the tickets and I'd be left outside. So I prepared as much as I could by bringing the receipt, the credit card I used, and the e-mail confirmation. Waiting on line for about an hour and a half when they finally gave out tickets. When they finally arrived at my point in line, they told me to step out of the line and wait on the side because my name didn't match the tickets we were there to pick up. Yikes, I started really freaking out. Another hour passes as they pass out tickets to everyone else. Then I went back to talk to the people handing out the tickets, after they told me they'd come back to talk to me, and he gave me the tickets like there was no issue at all. Total panic averted.
We walked into the venue to a room which was smaller then I expected and took up a spot to the left of the stage next to an improvised barricade which contained the sound booth. After waiting a bit longer, The Horrors took the stage. They were opening for Nine Inch Nails at all three shows we'd see and unfortunately I did not care for them too much. Still my sister took some great pictures of them across the 3 nights.
After The Horrors finished up the main event started. Lights went out and the band walked on stage. Trent Walked to the mic and started singing Somewhat Damaged. What followed was a slow build that in time climaxed to the entire venue screaming the closing lyrics "And where the fuck were you" louder then Trent was able to sing. Just pure intensity to start.
Final Setlist:
Somewhat Damaged
The Beginning of the End
Last
The Collector
Discipline
March of the Pigs
Something I Can Never Have
Reptile
Meet Your Master
Banged And Blown Through
Burn
Gave Up
La Mer
Non-Entity
Gone, Still
The Downward Spiral
Wish
Heresy
Survivalism
Down In It
Hurt
The Hand That Feeds
Head Like a Hole
Echoplex
The Good Soldier
Dead Souls
In This Twilight
Sunday, August 23, 2009 Webster Hall
I woke up feeling like crap. I wanted to get to Webster Hall as early as possible, but that wasn't possible. I was dragging already. We ended up getting to the city around 4:00. The line already was extended down the street, around the corner, down the street again, around the corner, and down that street about half the way. But once we got inside we were pleased to find a pretty good spot to the right of the stage tonight. The Horrors began and ended. Then once again the lights dimmed and night 2 of NIN was on.
The familiar banging of a snare drum began Mr. Self Destruct. Absolute intensity again, right off the block. Next came Piggy, then Heresy. Never before had I felt a floor bend so much as it did during this song. The stage lights swayed back and forth, threatening to fall over. Next was March of the Pigs, and the setlist became familiar. They'd played The beginning of The Downward Spiral. I knew they've done this before, but usually break the chain at around the sixth or so song. But this was not the case tonight. The band continued through March of the Pigs, to Closer, to Ruiner, to The Becoming, to I Do Not Want This. At this point I was thinking, there's no way it's going further then this. They haven't played Big Man With A Gun in like 15 years. I was wrong. Big Man With A Gun was next. But they weren't going any further, they have never played A Warm Place. Not once since the album came out in 1994. Once again, I was wrong. There in Webster Hall right in front of my eyes I was watching a song that has always been one of my favorites be played for the first time, and so far, the only time. Recalling that moment now almost puts me in tears. It's such a beautiful and haunting song and being there to hear it played live just was unreal. Next came Eraser, another song they hadn't played in any shows recently. Just awesome. Next was Reptile, then The Downward Spiral, and to finish off what they had never done before, Hurt was played. For the first, and according to Trent, the last time The Downward Spiral was played in it's entirety, in order. And it happened in front of my eyes. Continuing after Hurt Nine Inch Nails played another dozen songs before finishing the night off. Words cannot describe how much that meant to me. The crowd for the entire night was a creature I'd never been a part of before. Soaking wet in sweat, crawling forward, seething, screaming, all as one. It was what Nine Inch Nails fans dream of shows being like.
Final Setlist:
Mr. Self Destruct
Piggy
Heresy
March of the Pigs
Closer
Ruiner
The Becoming
I Do Not Want This
Big Man With A Gun
A Warm Place
Eraser
Reptile
The Downward Spiral
Hurt
1,000,000
Terrible Lie
Metal
Lights In The Sky
Burn
Gave Up
Suck
Physical
The Hand That Feeds
Before this show I heard that the band wasn't filming (as they did at Bowery) due to livenation requesting a large amount of money. So I said fuck it and brought my own camcorder. Which resulted in my own HD recording of the best show I've ever seen.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009 Terminal 5
My final Nine Inch Nails show. At least for "the foreseeable future." This show was different for me because I brought a third person, which was the first time this has happened as usually my friends have no interest in concerts I want to see. But this time Eric joined me for his first Nine Inch Nails concert. We arrived early and got in about 4 people back to the left of the stage. As we waited for The Horrors to begin, I was surprised to find a fellow NIN lover and blogger on here mere feet away. So I made sure I said hi. Suddenly in one of my favorite places, I knew more then one person, I knew 3! Horrors began and ended. Then the lights went out.
Nine Inch Nails took the stage with a guitar note being held. I knew immediately what was being played. It was my unicorn, Home. It was one of my favorite songs of the With Teeth Era that was played at every show that I was not at. So I was thrilled that the show started out with it. Later in the show we got to hear The Line Begins to Blur, which was nice because I hadn't seen it since my first show in 2005 and I loved the song. The show continued with a great mix of songs and had Peter Murphy join the band for Reptile, which he messed up badly, one of Bauhaus' songs, Kick in the Eye, and Dead Souls later in the encore. My show highlights didn't come until the encore where they broke out another one of my favorite songs which I hadn't seen since my first NIN show, The Day The World Went Away. That definitely put a smile on my face. Then the finale, Hurt. If I had to pick a last NIN song to ever seem that is it. We all sang along. Many cried. We all had a great time. After the show we searched for a piece of concert memorabilia. Nothing on the floor, no one on stage throwing anything. But I saw a guitar pick sitting lodged in Justin's mic stand and was hoping someone would grab it for me. Walking on the stage at that moment happened to be Leo, one of the band's long time helpers. So I got Leo's attention and he handed out 2 guitar picks. I saved one for myself and my sister gave the other to my fellow NIN lover who at the end of the concert was as thrilled and bummed by it being the last as I was. Eric really enjoyed the concert which was awesome, but I expected. NIN is amazing live, it's a shame no one else I invited ever gave them a shot. But I was really happy that someone else joined me for this final show.
Final Setlist:
Home
Terrible Lie
The Beginning of the End
Discipline
March of the Pigs
The Line Begins To Blur
I'm Afraid Of Americans
Ruiner
The Big Come Down
Burn
Gave Up
La Mer
The Fragile
Non-Entity
Eraser
The Way Out Is Through
1,000,000
Letting You
Survivalism
Reptile With Peter Murphy
Kick In The Eye With Peter Murphy
The Hand That Feeds
Head Like a Hole
The Frail
The Wretched
The Day The World Went Away
Dead Souls With Peter Murphy
Wish
Hurt
Photo highlights for the Week:
Tons of videos on my youtube page.
I keep looking back. Hoping one day I find you there.
Went to my friends baseball game yesterday night. Took some pictures.
I'm back in this terrible mood I've been stuck in now for weeks. I guess I should try to sort out exactly what it is I'm feeling.
I'm getting ready to move. An odd place to start but it really encompasses more of my emotions then it should. Moving both thrills and terrifies me. I've been here my entire life. I know this place. It's where I met my friends. It's where the friends I have left are. But at the same time I feel like I'm done with this place. I'm sick of driving down to the grocery store and seeing my ex-best friend and my ex-girlfriend hanging out. I don't want to have to see things like that. It's not good for me. And it seems I run into people who I just don't like everywhere. The friends I have hang out with me maybe once a month. I don't blame them too much though, they've got boyfriends, or girlfriends, or wives that they spend most of their time with. I know what it's like to have someone that you want to be with constantly. It's a great feeling. I'm just lonely and feel like maybe there's someone else out there. Maybe I can find people who will go out to a concert with me somewhere else. Maybe somewhere else I can find a girl who wants to talk to me, just because she's interested in getting to know me. I just feel like there's nothing left here for me. I'm sick of my room. A house is a house to me now. I'd rather my mother be able to relax about money and live in someplace where we can just relax.
I've been single now for a year and eight months. I have no female in my life who even shows the slightest hint of desire to get to know me. I know I have myself mostly to blame for this as I'm not the kind of person who goes out to the local bar to meet someone. I'm still shaky about relationships. Mainly because I've never been good at trusting people. I know what people have done to me in the past, and I expect everyone else to act the same way with me. Plus I feel like I have more baggage then ever. I have no idea how to tell a person about my life. I can't even fill out that little section on profiles which say "About Me:". What do I write? I've spent the last two years watching my father starve to death from cancer and trying to get my life back in order while trying in some way to help my mother and sister cope with everything they've been through too. It sounds more like I'm making that up to try and get some sort of sick sympathy from people and I don't want that. I don't want people to feel bad for me, I want people to want to understand me. Instead when someone asks what I do, and I respond well right now I'm looking for a new job, it's instant turn off. Maybe these people are just searching for the wrong things in life.
Maybe I'm searching for the wrong things in life.
I just feel fragile. Every little thing just gets to me. I'm get angry looking at facebook and seeing people bitching about their lives, or even worse, being happy with their lives. I don't want to be that person who is looking at others wishing harm on them because they're happy. I don't want to be the person who is wishing bad on people at all. As much as some people in my life have earned terrible things happening to them, I just don't want to feel that. I honestly wish I could forget people. Just like I never met them. Or even better, go back and tell myself to avoid all these people. Sure I had some great time with them, but what the way they left me feeling after everything isn't worth it.
I'm just ready to go. I'm ready to start a new life. I'm sick of who I am, I'm sick of how people look at me and what people think of me. I'm tired of feeling this way and sure as hell it isn't changing here.
I once posted on my facebook a simple question. "So...... anyone want to do something sometime? Being stuck in my room is starting to make me hate everything more then usual." Not one person responded. Story of my life in this place. I'm shouting into an empty cave trying to make friends.
I invite people to concert, they make excuses. I invite people to baseball games, they make excuses. I try, they make excuses to shoot me down, push me away.
Well I'm sick of being pushed away. I'm sick of feeling so fucking different from everyone else. I'm so god damn sick of feeling like I'm somehow less then everyone else. At this point, it's fuck everyone else. I'm ready to go. I don't know where I'm going, but anywhere is better then here.
Just a really terrible mood. I really feel like I have no friends. I'll hang out with someone every once in a while, but I feel like 26 days of every month I'm alone. I have no real best friends and the friends I have seem to be too busy to hang out with me. It's frustrating. I'm lonely. Very very lonely. They all have their boyfriends or fiance or wife. I don't. I've been single as can be for over a year and a half and there isn't even anyone around me to attempt to change that. It's a rather shitty feeling no having anyone who wants to be around me. I feel like I've said this all before.
Ugh......
What a shitty fucking place I'm in.
Another Piece of Terribleness That I hope might become something one day......
I'm still trying to absorb how awesome seeing Modwheelmood in a tiny venue with no more then 50 people was. First we go inside to grab our place. We're standing in quite a bizarre crowd which seemed more there for Peter Murphy then Modwheelmood, and Peter Murphy fans are bizarre. Waiting around and watching couples literally make out in the middle of the room was just irritating. Who does that? Anyways we're waiting and my sister notices that non other then Alessandro Cortini is standing a few feet behind me. So my sister strolls over and asks for an autograph. Not me though as I have a firm no asking for autographs while someone is in mid conversation policy. I'd spare an autograph to not come off as a douche to anyone. So now we have a ticket signed by Alessandro. Sweet....
The band goes up and Alessandro and Pelle are literally no more then 5 feet away from me. Just crazy. It was definitely an odd feeling being one of the only people in the room who was there for Modwheelmood, and who knew the words to their songs. So I sang along and loved every moment of it.
Setlist:
Forlì
Bellevue Avenue - My favorite song by them!
Crumble
Scene
Thursday - Blew my mind.
MHz - Awesome!
Yesterday
Delay Lama
Sunday Morning - Equally awesome.
Lie
Things Will Change
Scared of Everyone - Amazing ending to a mind blowing concert
After they finish up we strolled over to the merch area and I got a shirt and their cd (finally). We decided to wait around for a bit and check out some Peter Murphy. I know I really am not a big fan of his vocal style. But sticking around for a few was a good choice as mere moments later Alessandro walked over by us. This time alone I felt it was appropriate to ask for a signature on their new cd. (Sweet) Two seconds later Pelle walks over and I ask him too for an autograph on their new cd. (Double sweet) Plus my sister goes and gets the ticket signed by him too. (Triple Sweet) And moments later their drummer Jesper Kristensen walks over and we got him to sign the ticket too. (Pure awesomeness)
I really hope this band catches on. Their music is amazing.
Made sure I bought their vinyl record yesterday too. Just because I'm all for supporting a band that makes music this different and amazing.
